Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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