Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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