Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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