The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
