So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I bet he comes in French.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
