Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
