I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I could make wine with my vomit
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
