My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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