I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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