i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
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U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
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