Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I would ride that face into the sunset
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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