i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
