you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
