i just wanna soil my oats bro
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Randomize
