Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
