good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
