I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
