Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
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Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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