I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
