I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
