you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
