and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I didn't notice because vodka
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
