Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
