cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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