I'm going to jail i love you
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
