At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
