Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
