Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
