i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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