did you get engaged???
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Randomize
