I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
