I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
