i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
