if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
