I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
