I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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