It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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