I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
