1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
