the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
