I feel like I'm in dance class right now
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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