ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize