We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
