guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
