just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
