she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
