ya dads aren't the best wingmen
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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