So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
