I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
