you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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