Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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