Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think I won the penis lottery.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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