last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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