oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
