in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
