Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
