Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he thought i was a dude.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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