were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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