so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
