i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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