I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
