I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
