Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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