I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
