im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hello my rib-scented angel!
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
