Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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