I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
