Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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